


Mourn with the Moon and the Stars Up Above

by lottielovebuzz



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: A tiny bit of fluff, Angst, Canon Compliant, Dealing with Amy's Death, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 02, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 08:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2501378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows that they will need to talk about this again, in more detail, but not now. Not when Simon's opinion of himself is so low that he will do everything to convince Kieren to hate him for even considering it. Kieren can't hear Simon talk bad about himself, and right now, as horrible as it sounds when he thinks about it, Kieren doesn't have the energy to fight against Simon's depreciating words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mourn with the Moon and the Stars Up Above

Kieren finds Simon in a lonesome field. He sits where the grass is cut the shortest, his knees pulled up and his arms resting on them. His head is titled backwards, gazing up to the sky and studying the stars. 

Kieren doesn't say anything as he walks over to sit beside him, his hands buried deep in his jacket's pockets to hide the trembling that may start at any moment. He really needs to tell Simon about that… but now isn't the time.

The grass rustles as he sits and his breathing fills the silence that Simon had previously been sitting in. It was one of the things he didn't actually do a lot; breathing. Kieren had noticed after the eventful Sunday lunch. The only times Simon breathed was when he was speaking and if it would say more than words - a sigh, a huff, a moan - other than that, he remained as still as a statue. Kieren didn't have that ability. He had gotten into the habit of faking breathing to please his family, and it's not like coverup mousse he could stop putting on; he couldn't stop now for some reason.

'How'd you know I'd be here?' Simon questions after a moment, deep Irish lull washing over Kieren. He doesn't turn to look at Kieren, but merely continues examining the stars. 

'I didn't,' Kieren sees Simon's lips quirk into a grin, and can't help it when his own mirror it. 'But I had already started looking for you and wasn't about to stop, so I gave this place a shot.'

Kieren doesn't say anything more, doesn't bother asking what he's doing out here, realising that if Simon wants to tell him, he will in his own time. He falls backwards, catching himself on his hands, before he cranes his head upwards and falls silent, allowing his soft breathing to wash over both him and Simon. After a minute or two he notices Simon's shoulders lower and relax, losing the tension that had previously been there, and he gives a small hum in appreciation. He hates seeing Simon tense. 

Though he can't blame him for being so wound tight recently. 

'Kieren,' Simon drawls, pulling Kieren from his thoughts with another hum. He turns his head to face Simon and only then does the other man continue, when his pale eyes meet Keiren's own. 'I haven't been honest with you.' 

A frown eats away at Kieren's face, as he gives a confused shake of his head before he murmurs, 'What do you mean?' 

'The reason I wanted us to leave Roarton,' Simon starts and then stops, taking a deep breath in through his nose and that makes Kieren swallow hard. What has Simon got to say that's so worrying he has to take an unnecessary breath? What is he trying to say?

'You said it was dangerous.' Kieren supplies, trying to help him out. He's not really sure he wants to hear more but as he studies Simon, notices how every muscle in his body is tense and if he were human, the ache would have been unbearable, he realises that Simon _has_ to get this out. So he doesn't bother trying to give Simon a chance to forget it, and instead prompts him with a call of his name.

Simon's lips quirk into a small grin. 'Yeah. I said it was dangerous. Because of me.' 

Kieren's frown deepens, lines eating away at his forehead and corner of his eyes; deep grey lines that make him look so much older than his eighteen years. 'I don't understand.' He studies Simon for a long time, but the other man doesn't continue, then something clicks. 'Simon? You can tell me… is it… is it about why you were in the city before?' 

Kieren had wondered about that ever since Simon had mentioned it. They had been sitting in the GPs and when Simon said that, he had wanted to prompt him further, to know what he was doing in the city without telling Kieren - or _anyone_ \- where he was. But then Philip burst in through the door, carrying a bleeding Amy in his arms and suddenly, knowing why Simon was in the city wasn't important. 

It came back to his mind afterwards, but then he didn't really care. He was just thankful to still have him; to have his calm, sometimes-tense presence near him when he just put his BDFF in the ground.

Kieren closes his eyes. It's been three weeks and it still isn't any easier to think of Amy. He swallows hard and his eyes remain closed, so he misses Simon nod his head in reply to his question. 

It's only when Simon starts talking once more that Kieren opens his eyes. 'The reason Amy and I came back here, to Roarton, wasn't just to meet the Undead of Roarton. I was meant to seek out the First Risen for the Prophet…' 

'You travelled all that way and you didn't even realise it was Amy, who had been with you all along?' Kieren questions, fixing his gaze back on the stars once more. 'I can still remember seeing her petticoats as I climbed out of my grave. She actually turned back and helped pull me out. I think that's why we started hunting together.' 

' _What_?' Simon turns to him, eyes wide and alarming. 'But… you… you said that you were alone.' 

'When?' Kieren cracks a small grin that then falls off his face when he remembers. 'That Sunday dinner when Gary was there? Please, that was just to make it more dramatic. It would have been hard to scare him if I said a girl in frilly petticoats was walking over my grave when I crawled out.' 

He gives a chuckle that Simon doesn't even consider returning.

'Fuck.' Simon hisses before he stands up, hands fisting into his hair as he looks everywhere but Kieren, who can't take it anymore and stands as well. He walks over and plants himself in front of Simon, reaching up to take his hands in his, slowly pulling them from his hair. 

Simon still doesn't meet his gaze but Kieren waits, thumbs rubbing soft circles on the back of Simon's hand. He knows that he won't be able to feel it, but he knows Simon can see it and that should be reassuring enough. 

'What's wrong, Simon?' 

'I… you led me, I believed that, I told them…'

Kieren can't help the worry that starts swelling in his chest, not because he realises that Simon believed he was the First Risen, and probably told the Undead Prophet that, but because Simon is stuttering. Simon, usually eloquent, has-an-answer-for-everything Simon is stuttering and speechless and can't get a full sentence out.

'Did you tell them it was me, though?' Kieren questions. If Simon had told him " _I've found the First Risen, his name is Kieren Walker_ ", then he realises that it would be dangerous to stay here. But when Simon shakes his head, Kieren lets out a sigh of relief. 'Okay, well then it's not that bad, is it?' 

Simon gives a humourless chuckle, as if he doesn't agree with Kieren's statement at all. 'You still don't understand.' 

'Then make me!' Kieren demands, pulling sharply on Simon's hands. He pulls one hand free and reaches up, cupping Simon's neck and making sure their eyes are locked together before he continues, 'Simon, I've lost Rick, I've now lost Amy, the last thing I want to do now is lose you… please, just… _please_.' 

Kieren doesn't know where that last part came from; sure, maybe it had been niggling in the back of his mind ever since Amy's funeral and Simon said they needed to leave Roarton. He was afraid that Simon would just leave anyway, without him, and he was ready to get down on his hands and knees and beg him not to go. But he didn't have to. Simon took one look at him and agreed to stay, even telling Kieren's mum and dad that he wasn't for going, so he couldn't back out.

Kieren's also a little aware that it sounds so much like emotional blackmail, now that he's replayed it back in his mind and he's got his mouth open, ready to tell Simon that he doesn't need to tell Kieren, not if he doesn't want to, but then Simon is talking again. 

'I tried to kill you.' 

Kieren doesn't say anything; in too much shock to actually even _think_ about what to say, 

'That's the reason I was at the graveyard that day. I was there to kill you. I didn't even… I jumped over the wall and went running towards you, and even then I didn't know if I was going to do it. But then the gun went off and I just, I couldn't do with it. But Kieren, I had _thought_ about plunging a knife into you. And it wasn't until I took that bullet that I realised that I couldn't.' 

Kieren suddenly finds himself laughing, breathlessly and softly but he's laughing nonetheless. 'God, exactly, Simon. Listen to what you just said. You _took a bullet_ for me. If Pearl had aimed a little bit higher, it would have killed you. You risked your life to save me, Simon. That's all that matters.' 

'How can you…?' Simon sounds like he doesn't know what else to say, and instead opts for staring at Kieren, studying him with white eyes and a look of incredulity. 

'Look, I'm not going to say that I'm totally understanding of _why_ you wanted to kill me, and I'm not even going to consider whether you would have went along with it if you knew it was Amy and not me… but the truth is, you didn't do it. Instead of killing me, you saved my life.' Kieren lets go of Simon's hands and moves to cup his face, thumbs brushing over pale skin stretched over cheekbones.

'But Kier-' 

Kieren pushes himself up on his tiptoes and presses his lips to Simon's in a fierce kiss. His hands move to twine in Simon's hair, disrupting the black hair gelled into a side-shed. Several strands fall into disarray, brushing over his forehead but Kieren doesn't register that feeling as he parts Simon's lips with his tongue. 

He knows that they will need to talk about this again, in more detail, but not now. Not when Simon's opinion of himself is so low that he will do everything to convince Kieren to hate him for even considering it. Kieren can't hear Simon talk bad about himself, and right now, as horrible as it sounds when he thinks about it, Kieren doesn't have the energy to fight against Simon's depreciating words. 

Kieren pulls away from Simon after a moment, pressing a soft peck to his lips before he falls back onto flat feet and he removes one hand from Simon's face, taking ahold of his hand once more. 

'I managed to convince my mum and dad to let me stay at the bungalow.' Kieren whispers, brushing his thumb over Simon's knuckles. 'So, do want to stay in this freezing field forever, or do you want to go back to the nice warm bungalow?' 

And even though Simon frowns at Kieren being able to feel the cold air, he can't bring himself to mention it when Kieren's wide eyes meet his and the look in his gaze is almost pleading. 

'Yeah. Yeah. Let's go back.' He murmurs before letting Kieren steer them back to the bungalow. 

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


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